The Value Of Self-Value

I was contemplating something today, something that I have thought about a lot over time: value, or more to the point, the question of ones sense of personal value.

I thought that I would talk about it, particularly regarding teens and young adults, as it is in my opinion one of the primary life drivers and which if not provided or built up can create tremendous hassle later on in the person's life.  It is that thing that we seek from our parents and peers (a little later) when we are young, and from our colleagues, family, faith, etc. when we emerge into the adult world.  Our sense of self-value can be the source of much joy, excelling and blessing, if it has been fed positively, or it can be the source of malcontentedness, conflict and in many instances, below average achievement and a host of other issues.

It can never be understated just how important the role of parents are in instilling a sense of self-value into a child, and all to frequently, for whatever reason, be it chasing mortgages, credit cards and cars, or domestic conflict, that input is lacking in children's lives today.  This is not a good thing as many parents find to their consternation as their children move into the teen years seeking independence, and start to get into things that did not seem to be on the horizon in earlier life.

Tricky stuff, however I believe that if parents, teachers or, in later life, even co-workers and employers find themselves facing a child, or colleague with self-value issues, with careful thought and intervention, this situation can be arrested and reversed, even later on in life.  It is of course highly desirable to try and correct the situation in childhood or during the teen years at the latest, and the fact of the matter is that it is not that hard.  With genuine commitment and sincerity, it is possible to devise intervention programs that can really work.

What are the basic requirements: to demonstrate to the person involved that they have intrinsic value, and to get their 'buy-in'.  This is the part where persistence and careful observation is going to be required - help the person to identify something that they are good at - they will know what they like to do, and once that thing has been found, build on it.  In the life of a child or teen, it may be worthwhile looking to involving them in a community project - particularly if there are people involved who can provide them with positive feedback for their efforts, or for whom they can provide some sort of service, no matter how humble it may be initially.  Or, as an alternative, identify a sport or talent that they enjoy and do well at (this is obviously important) and provide opportunities for them to be exposed to it and most importantly, where they will be praised and encouraged.  Obviously this is just the beginning and change will not happen overnight.

Sometimes there will be situations where parents, in the instance of children, particularly teens, will not be able to be involved in the intervention directly initially.

Even where they are not directly involved, parents must support the child and the process with enthusiasm and genuineness - most important, because an important part of the process in my opinion, is to direct the child back to their parents ultimately - and that can be hard if parents do not want to acknowledge any part in the hurt that may have been inflicted.  And this is where the going can get tough for a parent - sometimes it is not easy to acknowledge that they have been a source to the problem, particularly if the situation has developed into deviant behaviour patterns, substance abuse, or whatever.  However, as hard as it may be it is really important for the parent to get to a place where they understand that they are not bystanders, but are active participants in the child's life, and that there is a need for genuine and sincere reconciliation.  In my opinion, the importance of the parental role in a child's life can never be understated - it is vital - one of the first rocks upon which the child will stand in life.

And once this process has begun, it needs to be ongoing.  The initial care-giver or guide should point the child back to the parents, and the parents need to take up the reigns and drive it forward, irrespective of the personal sacrifices that may be involved.  It is the rest of the child's life that is at stake - nothing can override that in importance.  And never let it be said that a parent's influence is negated due to 'peer-pressure'.  In my opinion, 'peer-pressure' is another name for 'parental-resignation' - don't do it - the consequences can be dire.

Well, once again, a different topic and one that I hope is useful.  I am a parent myself, have dealt with issues of value in my own life during my formative years, and continue to build into the lives of my children.  I am really excited with where they are at and where they look like they are going - they continue to make me proud everyday of their lives, and of course, the spin-off of that - my sense of self-value is improved, which means that I am better equipped to improve their sense of self-value - perpetual-motion.  And it is wonderful!!